Experienced Mother Makes Foolish Decision

Saturday dawned cold, windy and rainy. It didn't stop us from going to the Downtown Farmers Market at 8:30. It didn't stop us from eating breakfast pizza, fresh egg rolls, mini doughnuts and Indian samosas.

It should have stopped us from attending the opening day at the Heritage Carousel.... And if the weather didn't stop us, my own common sense and past experiences should have.

Here's what I wanted to happen:

• The boys were two of 30 area kids selected to be "the first carousel riders of 2011." At 10:45, they were to report to the carousel, get their armband that entitled them to free rides all day long, get on an animal, ride the carousel and go back home for lunch and naps.

Here's how it went down:

• We arrived, checked in, stood in line and waited patiently for them to select one lucky child to be the "Official First Rider of the Year". This is an honor that entitles said child to a free t-shirt, first choice at all the cool animals on the carousel and 15 minutes of fame with their first ride photo posted on the carousel's website. It's a really cool thing and everyone there had their fingers crossed that their happy, smiling child would get the honor.
• I, on the other hand, was hoping and praying that Bo's name would NOT be chosen because he was in an iffy mood and doesn't particularly enjoy riding the carousel. 
• Of course, anytime you're a mean mom and hope that your child is not chosen for an honor, the powers that be automatically interfere and make sure your child's name is called.
• And that's exactly what happened. "And the lucky rider is: Bourne Hanson!" Applause, cameras flash, everyone turns and stares at us.
• My honest gut reaction: Oh f**k. (Sorry for the language, but it's true.)
• I panicked. I briefly thought about grabbing Mazy and pretending his was Bourne Hanson, but then I thought how unfair that would be to Bo. So I picked him up and hauled him through the enthusiastic crowd, hoping and hoping that he would enjoy this experience and flash them the million-dollar-Bo-grin that melts hearts and makes women swoon.
• His first duty as Official Rider was to choose a Heritage Carousel t-shirt color -- he picked green -- and they asked if he could wear the shirt over  his coat. We got through that with minimal pain. And I love the t-shirt and truly appreciate the enthusiasm of the organizers. I really wanted them to get their photo of a really happy kid on the carousel so they could entice more people to visit our park and ride this amazing carousel. I really wanted that for them. And that's what makes the rest of the story so  painful.
• Bo's next duty as Official Rider was to choose any of the beautiful, hand-painted animals to ride. me: "Bo, what animal do you want?" Bo: "I don't wanna animal! I don't wanna carousel ride."
• Oh crap..... 
• Please imagine this scene: me carrying Bo around the carousel, hopelessly encouraging him to choose an animal as two photographers crowd around us taking millions of pictures of our every move. (OK, not really. But it did feel that way. The photographers were super nice, by the way.)
• In another moment of panic, I saw Mazy's favorite animal, the pirate kitty, and pretty much forced Bo onto it.
• And that's when the real trouble started. He began to kick, he began to  yell, he began to do the opposite of what I and the photographers hoped he would do. Instead of a happy, smiling cover kid, we had Bo, who did NOT want to be there... It was terrible.
• The pressure I felt! I tried to get him to cooperate. But the boy just does not like the carousel. Period. End of story. For god sake Keesia stop making him ride it!
• Other children began to get on the carousel and that's when Problem #2 appeared: Mazy. He was slow to choose an animal and all the good ones were taken. I was busy with Bo and the paparazzi and Mazy was crying and refusing to get on the one remaining horse that was left... Oh. man. These carousel people are so hating me right now... 
• Like Bo, I forced Mazy to get onto the horse. While I was doing that, I left my 2-year-old totally unattended on a high carousel pirate kitty where he was quite likely to fall off and crack his head open. Bad mothering again. And don't worry, I'm sure the DSM Register got photos of it. I can see tomorrow's headline now: "East Side Uber Mom Forces Reluctant Children onto Carousel Ride"
• The ride finally started. Bo kept trying to get off. He would not crack a smile. Mazy continued to cry.
• When it was finally over, the good-souled photographer for the carousel tried one last ditch effort to get a photo of Bo smiling. And of course, he did not. 
• He did not smile, that is, until he looked across the parking lot at the Rocket Slide and said, "Can we go play on the slide mama! Let's go play on the slide now mama!" And then he was of course all smiles and all dimples and as happy as can be.

Official Rider of the Year

 Did I mention I hadn't showered or put on any makeup this morning???? Not a bit. And I was wearing an old sweatshirt and looked terrible! I'm praying the DSM Register photographer found a happier child to feature in tomorrow's paper.

So that's today's story. Another lesson I won't learn. Another memorable story for what is sure to be a lifetime of parenting mishaps.

At least they'll never say: "Mom never took us anywhere."